Rabbi Ain’s Rosh Hashanah Day 2 Sermon 5784/2023
How many of you have decided to get into bed, put on the TV, scroll for a while, and then realize it is 45 minutes later and you were no closer to determining what you wanted to watch when you first got into bed, only now you are annoyed that you wasted the time and you stll didn’t find anything. While a simple anecdote, I imagine we have had this experience with online shopping, walking through megamalls, and even sometimes determining what to do first on our to do lists. We are so overwhelmed with choices, that we often avoid commitment.
More than that, in many ways, life has become all about the individual-a curated experience to make people, you, me, happy, satisfied, connected…Think about our lives…my amazon looks different than each of yours. My Peloton and Netflix recommendations and approach has created an expectation of individualized browsing, analytics, and personal selection, while I have done my best to lead our community in way that consciously engages at any age, stage, interest so that we will find something compelling wherever you are and whoever you are-
We have created an expectation that each email we get is, our should be, tailor made for us, but it isn’t always the case.
Have we created a monster around individualism and meaning?
And how does this impact us us, personally, jewishly, communally?
Why are we often so focused on the I and can we figure out how to get back to the We? I know we can…and i know I am preaching to the proverbial choir-YOU ARE IN THESE SEATS-at least in person and on line. You are here. We are together, but I still think we need to think about the choices we make and the expectations we have of ourselves and others when there are a vast array of options in front of us.
In his book, Dedicated: The Case for Commitment in an Age of Infinite Browsing by Pete Davis, readers are introduced to the pains and pleasures of being in “infinite browsing mode” the idea that we never quite commit. Demonstrating the balance between liberation and dedication, he describes the importances of being part of the counter culture, and finding a meaningful way to commit to that which you care about, albeit not feeling stuck. He writes, when considering various choices,
“Nobody wants to be stuck behind a locked door but no one wants to live in a hallway either”
But in order to get to the essence of how people should commit he examines a real truth- a fear of commitment-
“Why do we love committers but act like browsers?
He suggests: Fear of regret, fear of association, fear of missing out…” I don’t want to choose the WRONG spouse or the WRONG job or the WRONG city? I don’t want to choose the WRONG doctor? The WRONG medicine? The WRONG school? …Browsing, we feel, is fun, but Barry Schwartz, in his scholarship, teaches that the paradox of choice-plagues our everyday lives. The need to choose every detail. From food to clothes to tupperware. Or even describing the 30 minute amazon rabbit hole in search of a new keyboard, you know what he means. A life with no choice would be unbearable but at some point choice no longer liberates it debilitates. This is why there is a success of businesses that strip down options-like Trader chose-fewer items, no brands, no online store, no promotions.”
And maybe, just maybe, if we allow ourselves to not worry about each and every details, we will be able to fall in love, develop deeper friendships, seek the satisfaction we hope…This is easier said than done of course. Sometimes we want to have children but can’t get pregnant. We want to get married but we can’t find a suitable partner. We want a new job but haven’t found the right place yet. It was not particularly helpful for David Brooks to write an OpEd saying that the key to happiness is marriage not work when in fact it is probably easier to find meaningful work than the right marriage partner and yes that is hard too. In all cases, what we need to think about is, what do we believe? What drives us? What do we care about when choosing how to spend our time, our resources, our emotions with and on others and ourselves.
How do we do that?
This past summer I studied in Jerusalem and the theme was Choosing Judaism. You might ask yourself, why does a group of rabbis need to come together to explore the notion of Choosing Judaism? Haven’t we already done that?
Well, yes, and. Some of us came to this religious community by birth, some by choice. Some of us weaved in and out, browsing our way through the aisles of what was open to us at again given moment. And all of us who work here in amazing communities with you, individuals who are choosing to be here while simultaneously we are also working to engage individuals not yet here. And the fact is, you are not all here for the same reason. You don’t have a universal reason for choosing Judaism.
So the question then is raised, are there parts of our “traditional” Jewish vocabulary that are essential to our understanding of Judaism in this world that I have described, that will feel compelling enough for people to not only commit to being here to but to celebrate what it stands for.
Yes, of course-but what are they?
Is it a sense of creed? Do we, as Jews, believe in something? SPOILER ALERT-we do! I will get back to that!
Is it obligation? Well, yes, Judaism believes in it but no one wants to talk about it in this age of infinite browsing-it scares us to talk about what is required
What about sacrifice? What role does sacrifice play in an individualized community?
And of course, where do holiness and ritual come in?
Each of these pieces of luggage, that Jews have been carrying on their backs for over 3000 years has, guided, shaped, hindered, and inspired us. They have caused us to figure out how to connect to the divine, and sadly at times, have caused us to isolate ourselves or others.
The question is, how do we bridge the gap between our modern liberal approach to living with a sense of choice and personal mission AND understand the power of the history of Judaism and the power of the present-day Jewish community?
And how, in looking at this together, can we move from outside the hallway, always peering in, to being a part of the room where it happens?
Let’s start with the power of creed and why it matters-
We often like to say that Judaism is a religion of deed, not creed-we leave belief to others and as long as we behave a certain way, all is fine…Yes, I understand why we do that because we can’t monitor belief. And yet, in this moment where we are trying to determine why we do what we do, let us consider what we believe. Maybe we are confused. Maybe we are scared. Maybe we have doubts. But engaging in the nature of God, the value proposition of revelation, and challenge of theodicy will not, I believe, force us to turn away from Judaism, but can be an anchor for us in stormy waters. By understanding that Judaism cares about who we are, what we believe, and who we are trying to become as people, should be inspiring, not just restrictive. In fact, Torah starts with Genesis as a statement of belief, by demonstrating God’s existence, as opposed to Exodus, a statement of purpose, that we will be a holy nation, probably to make the point that beliefs will help guide us on our way, and so, if the High Holidays is about celebrating creation, then we are, in a sense, celebrating belief. And, so, as we are seeking something to commit, to looking for belief statements as signposts on our way for this new year ahead, is one opportunity for all of us
A second piece of our religious vocabulary that I want to encourage us to consider, is the nature of communal obligation. Why? Because it is hard to transmit a sense of culture without a sense of obligation. But of course, this feels as if it flies in the face of how we have been raised in the Western culture, which is all about the rugged individual, the one who pulls themselves up, who makes it on their own. Isn’t that the hero?
And haven’t I taught that to you?
In fact, I have given sermons about the importance of Betzelem Elohim, that each of us are created in the image of God. And at our morning services on Rosh Hashanah we read a text from Mishnah Sanhedrin that taught “Humanity began with a single human being forever proclaims the greatness of the Holy One, for humans stamp many coins with one die and they all look alike but the HOly One stamped every human being with the die of Adam yet no person is like the other…Therefore, every human being must declare “it is for my sake that the world was created.”
But what we also need to learn is that Judaism isn’t an individual endeavor-we can’t just browse and hope that others will dive in and it will always be there for us. In the rabbinic text, Tosefta Sotah, which teaches ‘We find, when Moshe administered the oath to Israel in the plains of Moav, he said to them it is not according to YOUR own’s hearts that I administer this oath, but with future generations and converts who will join. He understood that it isn’t about just the individual.
WOAH. This is not only about the past, not only about the present, and not only about the future.
Rather, we are in fact, all in this together, even if we haven’t always realized it. The saying goes, a rising tide lifts all ships…It doesn’t mean we can’t have our own personalities, our own flags, our own way of doing things on our ships, but we can’t just assume it is only about us.
So how can this be balanced with the idea that we are each created in God’s image? AND Can we appreciate an individual approach in a communal religion? If I test out my beliefs, will my community be there to catch me if I fall?
Judaism teaches-YES/AND. Yes, my individualism matters. AND, it isn’t all about me. Where do we see this?
In one of the most famous passages of Tanakh, in Chapter 3 of Kohelet, Ecclesiastes, where we read:
1Everything has an appointed season, and there is a time for every matter under the heaven.
אלַכֹּ֖ל זְמָ֑ן וְעֵ֥ת לְכָל־חֵ֖פֶץ תַּ֥חַת הַשָּׁמָֽיִם:
2A time to give birth and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot that which is planted.
בעֵ֥ת לָלֶ֖דֶת וְעֵ֣ת לָמ֑וּת עֵ֣ת לָטַ֔עַת וְעֵ֖ת לַֽעֲק֥וֹר נָטֽוּעַ:
3A time to kill and a time to heal; a time to break and a time to build.
געֵ֤ת לַֽהֲרוֹג֙ וְעֵ֣ת לִרְפּ֔וֹא עֵ֥ת לִפְר֖וֹץ וְעֵ֥ת לִבְנֽוֹת:
4A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time of wailing and a time of dancing.
דעֵ֤ת לִבְכּוֹת֙ וְעֵ֣ת לִשְׂח֔וֹק עֵ֥ת סְפ֖וֹד וְעֵ֥ת רְקֽוֹד:
None of these happen simultaneously, but in fact, the power is that there is a time for both, and we need to be able to recognize when….but that can only happen if we have figured out who we are, what we believe, who we are committed to, and why it matters.
Dr. Micah Goodman, in Israel showed, that what Kohelet is teaching is that by moving from happiness as an ultimate goal, which is fleeting, to purpose which is an ultimate goal which is enduring-we can more easily find a reason to commit to something.
This is why I can hold onto my foundational creeds, even when the object of my belief doesn’t always hold up to my ideal goals, a variation on the concept that I began to explore yesterday:
I believe in God-even if I can’t prove why
I love the world-even though it can be disastrous
I am proud to be an American-and I recognize that we aren’t yet where we want to be
I am a Zionist-and I embrace all of the complicates of what that means
This doesn’t mean there aren’t cracks in my faith-
But it’s powerful not just to do, but to believe, because of where it may lead us-
Pete Davis wrote: “The grim fact looms: Our time is limited. For many of us, this is beyond our infinite browsing. For some, our fear drives us to endless novelty as we try to play every game at the carnival before closing time. For others, our fear paralyzes us, heightening our indecision. The poet, Mary Oliver, once asked: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” -”I think she meant it as an encouragement, but some of us might find the question haunting-what if I plan wrong?
Isn’t this the fear each High Holiday season?
So how do we do this? How can we be ourselves, but figure out what that means, and be there for others?
At Jared’s high school graduation this year, his head of school, Ariela Dubler, spoke of the verse in Proverbs,
חֲנֹ֣ךְ לַ֭נַּעַר עַל־פִּ֣י דַרְכּ֑וֹ גַּ֥ם כִּי־יַ֝זְקִ֗ין לֹֽא־יָס֥וּר מִמֶּֽנָּה
educate a child al pi darko – according to that child’s way; literally, according to that child’s derech, the child’s own road – or, dare I say – the child’s own lane. And, mishlei teaches, IF you educate each child in their own lane then, even with age, they will not swerve. SOUNDS GOOD, right? NOT TOTALLY.
What I think we want to do is educate our children, educate all of us, in a way that feels fitting, not so that they won’t swerve, but so that they will find something worth committing to. As Ariela Dubler said, don’t be so stuck but rather, swerve a bit, because that’s where the deep personal growth can happen as you push yourself and rise to new levels. Think about Esther, the heroine of our Purim story. She had her royal lane. And when Mordechai tried to convince her to speak with Ahashverosh and try to save the Jewish people, he made a very specific argument to her: Listen, he said, if you don’t save the Jewish people, who will?
וְאַ֥תְּ וּבֵית־אָבִ֖יךְ תֹּאבֵ֑דוּ וּמִ֣י יוֹדֵ֔עַ אִם־לְעֵ֣ת כָּזֹ֔את הִגַּ֖עַתְּ לַמַּלְכֽוּת
It will be your loss Mordechai tells Esther because maybe, just maybe, you became queen for this moment.
Think about Golda Meir, who served cake and cookies and borscht, and who led with integrity and dignity 50 years ago during a moment of existential dread for the State of Israel. She made decisions, even if they were hard words, because commitment and leadership matters.
Don’t sit on the sidelines or in the hallways this year-explore what is available but not for the sake of browsing, for the sake of committing
Pete Davis describes an amazing kind of people who he calls LongHaul Heros-
…”the kind of people here are the rebels:they live their lives in defiance of this dominant culture-
They are citizens-they feel responsible for what happns to society
They are patriots-they love the places where they lives and the people who live their
They are builders-turn their ideas into reality over the long haul
They are stewards-they keep watch over our institutions
Artisans-pride in their craft
Companions-give time to people-
We see it in our lives-they people with whom we are in relationship-now we don’t mind if and when people find something new, we are proud of them-but there is a power of people who strive to be a part of something…
I believe that this audience, synagogues are a place to double down:
Rabbi David Wolpe recently retired from his pulpit at Sinai Temple in LA and wrote (in response ot the idea that people are leaving organized religion) “I still believe the synagogue is a refuge for the bereaved and provides a road map for the seeker. I have been moved by how powerful the teachings of tradition prove to be in people’s lives, helping them sort out grievances from griefs, focusing on what matters, giving poignancy to celebrations. The stories of the Torah, read year after year, wear grooves in our souls, so that patterns of life that might escape us become clear. ..Religion may be on the decline in this country and in the West, but if you wish to see the full panoply of a human life, moments of ecstatic joy and deepest sorrow, the summit of hopes and the connections of community, they exist concentrated in one place: your local house of worship.
So my friends, this is why, I do what I do. This is why, I try to curate these individual moments for you. Because you are not all the same. And yet, we share the same universal questions. It is why, I work day in and day out with our incredible professional and lay leadership team. Because this work matters. But we can’t do it alone. SO yes, I am preaching to you, even though you are sitting here-in person or online. Be with us on this journey. Know that not every program is for you at any given moment but the synagogue is always there for you. Those two things can be mutually true.
SO-What core beliefs do you stand by? How do you want to go deeper this year? What are the beliefs, obligations, sacrifices, rituals that you might find compelling, not just for your Jewish life but for your whole self?
Did you know that “Organizations that ask more of their members and the one that gives members big responsibilities rather than solely serving their desires, are thriving? It's why groups that say come whenever you want and do whatever you can, no problem, recruit fewer volunteers than the ones that say we need you-we're ready to put you to work-and we are all relying on you-it's why in school the teachers and coaches who are the biggest sticklers the one who have the highest expectations for their students often have the most devoted followings people want to be held accountable because accountability gives us meaning.
Your families need you. Your communities need you. You need you. WE NEED YOU. Don’t be afraid to dedicate yourself. You can swerve, shift, change, but if it comes from a place of dedication and commitment, the baggage you are carrying will feel lighter-it won’t be weighing you down but it will be propelling you on your life’s journey.
It is the new year. It is the time where we make commitments, even if we might make some mistakes. We strive for what we want to do because in articulating our dreams and our hopes we are closer to making them come true.
So commit to Judaism. Commit to yourselves. Commit to our Jewish community. Don’t sit in the hallway but this year, 5784, become a long haul hero who will help us all achieve together, because the impact will be phenomenal.
